Light Dwarf


	What is Light Dwarf? Well, it is not associated with Games Workshop Limited or White Dwarf Magazine in any legal sense. It is a lighthearted parody of the Games Workshop hobby and White Dwarf magazine. What can you expect? You cannot expect serious gaming articles and things to help better gaming. You can expect to laugh, laugh, laugh at the hobby we know and love. Games Workshop Hobbyists find all kinds of related humour on the internet. We want to make Light Dwarf one place to find all this humour compiled.

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	LATEST & GREATEST This is where you will find all the info on the things happening with Light Dwarf. We will post updates to everything you need to know. You will even get some things posted here that don't really fit in any other section. We hope you are enjoying the site and please send us your ideas. We want this site to be as much yours as it is ours.

Posted: 6 July 2005

Perry Twins

So here we have an exclusive interview with the Perry twins! Well, it’s exclusive if you ignore all the other interviews that others have done with them. Anyway, ours is better, because it’s more informative. We ask the hard questions that everyone wants to know the answers to! And don’t forget to check out when we exposed Gray Morley for what he really is in our first “Exposed” feature.


	Posted: 21 Apr 2005 Wow! It has been a while. It was worth the wait. New playable demos finally here! That’s right, we’ve got the demos for the two latest 40K video games! The staff at THQ are huge fans of our site (particularly the "Experience of a Lifetime" section) and we’ve made a deal with them that should keep us quite up to date with their releases. So, they‘ve sent over the playable demos for the next two games. As we’ve said before, in one of them you’re working for the Inquisition (I believe the character is called Inquisitor Namcap) retrieving ancient archeotech from some sort of maze, and in the second (a Battlefleet Gothic game) you’re an attack craft pilot clearing the way for the main fleet. Watch for developments in PC Gamer and your other favourite computer gaming nerd magazines and websites. They tell us they’re working on a bug shooting game which should please Tyranid fans! We hope you’re not disappointed, as we had to “work” pretty hard to secure this deal. Rutherford had to go on dates with over half of the wives of both THQ and GWI! He managed to perform this long and tiring duty and still keep smiling, so we take our hats off to him for his devotion to the site and the hobby.


	Posted: 1 Jan 2005 Happy New Year from Light Dwarf! Well, it’s a whole new year and there are plenty of great new things to look forward to. Using our sources, the Emperor’s Tarot and help from the Psychic Friends Network, we’ve compiled a list of things to look forward to in the year 2005. Be sure to check back here during the year to see what turns out to be true! The Ogre Kingdoms army, featuring some great models will do quite well, especially amongst people who don’t like to paint a lot of models. Along with the new Space Marine codex and its Trait system for developing your own chapter rules, there will be a new plastic Whirlwind. Also in new plastics, the Tactical, Assault, Devastator and Terminator Squads will be redone. Britney Spears will get pregnant. New Tyranids will be released in June, with a new Tyrant, new Carnifex (all in plastic!), new Zoanthrope and Genestealer. Also, a redesign of the Tyrant Guard should be expected. Wood Elves will be finally released in July/August of this year! The nation-wide league ranking system will be up an running, allowing players to earn points by going to tournaments, with the top 20 or so getting invited to the Grand Tournament! This will be the only way to participate in the GT; you’ll need to earn your way in. The winners of each Conflict Tournament will also get invited. We’ll see a new Nine Inch Nails album! Warhammer will get a Lustria book, detailing rules for fighting in the jungle, and Lizardmen will get new models, as will High Elves and Skaven. The amount of typos in the Canadian White Dwarf supplement will drop dramatically in the spring. Pope John Paul II will finally die! Senator Palpatine will be revealed to be Darth Sidious! So, there are some things to look out for in the first half of this year. Keep checking back, as we’ll add more predictions and rumours as we get them!


	Posted: 21 Nov 2004 Good news! It seems that while Rutherford was in England at Games Day, he managed to talk to the designers and production company of the new up-coming video games we mentioned earlier. It turns out that they’re fans of our site, and after much schmoozing and hanging out, they’ve agreed to give us the first shot at the playable demos! Once they’ve received the extra, unused Light Dwarf material, bottles of maple syrup and naked pictures of Bill that Rutherford promised them, they’ll send us demos for the site! We were hoping for screenshots, but this is going to be even better! It turns out that the synopsis of the games found here were completely accurate. Also, there’s talk of a game that involves shooting Tyranids in a forest setting, but we haven’t as much info on that one yet. So check back so you can be the first to try the new games!


	Posted: 28 Oct 2004 Here’s some more latest news: With the release of Firewarrior and the success of Dawn of War, which has already sold as many copies as Firewarrior had bugs, GWI have licensed more games for release at the end of 2005 or beginning of 2006. Rutherford managed to get some info about the ideas for the upcoming 40K games, but is still working on any works-in-progress. The games are as yet unnamed, but we have the basic premises. The first game seems to have the player controlling either an agent of the Adeptus Mechanicus, or more likely a servo skull through a labyrinth of an ancient site that is rumoured to contained important archeotech, or possibly and STC. The ancient site or temple or whatever it is hasn’t been totally abandoned though. Old protection programs and sentinels are still around to protect the secrets below. These ghosts of the ancient inhabitants still roam the halls trying to put off seekers of the arcane technology. Apparently though, as you pick up pieces of tech and avoid these foes, you can come across bits of technology to arm yourself against these defenders and send them scurrying as you become the hunter. But with limited power resources, these respites from the chase are short and limited. The second game is reported to be a Battlefleet Gothic space combat game. From what we hear, the player will be the pilot of a small attack craft. The first mission seems to be a scouting mission looking for enemy ambushes in an asteroid field and that will be the one released as a demo. Hopefully we’ll get the demo soon.. since I love aerial/space combat games… ever since X-Wing and Wing Commander. Watch for playable demos soon.


	Posted: 29 Sept 2004 Rumours Rumours Rumours Obviously, the big news right now is the new edition of 40K. Everyone is clamouring to find out how their army is going to fair by the new rules. Not only do we have some rumour clarification for you, but also pictures of some of the new codex books! The first release will be the Ultramarines codex, showcasing how a Space Marine chapter is run ‘by the book’. There seem to be a few differences in this book as detailed below: -Apothecaries and Techmarines are independent characters -The list of allowed allies is printed right in the book -Veteran Sergeants are 5 points each -Terminators make their save on 2D6 -The book is 96 pages long! - Many more! 40K rumours that are true: -The Emperor will die and become the 5th chaos god -The Blood Angels will finally go over to chaos as Khorne worshippers -The Space Wolves will go renegade after being investigated too closely by the Inquisition and declared Excommunicatus for their mutation. -The Dark Angels will go renegade after being declared Excommunicatus by the Inquisition because they have a secret. They don’t find out what it is, but figure if they won’t talk about it, it’s gotta be bad. -The Demiurg will become a major player in the galaxy, until one of them is seen with a beer, riding a trike, at which point they will all be eaten by Tyranids. Again. - The White Consuls chapter will also go over to chaos, but no one will notice. -The Machine God will be revealed as a sleeping C’tan, and the Adeptus Mechanicus will secede from the Imperium to worship their ‘Machine God’ without the Emperor. Left to work out their own technology, the Imperium turns to a source that ends up producing smaller, better technology at a lower cost: Japan. -The Imperium, in its weakened state will be overthrown by Fishmen, who build huge temples to their chief god, D’ayv Noil, on every human planet. See, you can learn a lot of good stuff at Games Day. Particularly at the after-party at about 1am. That’s when the real information comes out! With all this new 40k stuff coming let us know what you will be doing with your old 40k. Way back on the release of 3rd edition we did just that and let every one know what we did with our (now extremely) old 40k. Check out this classic Light Dwarf article here.


	Posted: 27 Aug 2004 In these war torn worlds what field of cows would not feel safe with a BOVA battlesuit protecting them? Painted in black and white "cowmooflague" and armed with a variety of deadly weapons including an udder gun armed with 1%, 2%, whole and non-fat ammo. Select the graphic to be udderly amazed.


	Posted: 10 Aug 2004 Since you are reading this you know that the Latest & Greatest section has a new home right on the LD home page so you can get all the new Light Dwarf info right away. Its old location (if you haven’t checked it out, do so right now!) is now "Looted Items". We will put GW humour related things that we loot from other sites around the ‘net in the Looted Items location. We will try and give credit but if you find something you are associated with and want it removed or want us to add a link or proper credits please let us know and we would be happy to give credit where credit is due. Perhaps we can develop a relationship and get some things from people for the many sections on Light Dwarf. Contributions are always welcome but if we don’t get enough we’ll just go around the ‘net and find some for ourselves.


	Posted: 26 July 2004 Some new things have been added again check them out in these sections; Funny Page, Wacky Submissions - Murphy's Luck.


	Posted: 02 July 2004 Please go to the bottom of the Light Dwarf homepage and Vote for this site. Let the world know that you think Light Dwarf is a cool site… or at least that you got a laugh. Now go vote go now.


	Posted: 28 June 2004 The Fishmen Section has been up dated.


	Posted: 19 June 2004 Since last time we talked some new things have been added to this page check them out bellow. Other new things added to the Funny Page, Wacky Submissions - Creative, GW Life and Murphy's Luck sections. Keep the submissions coming.

Posted: 26 April 2004

Have you ever wished that you were a character in Warhammer 40,000? Well, here's a chance to find out what your name would be if you were one of the cogs in the great machine that is the Imperium of Mankind!

Enter your name and find out what it would be in High Gothic, the sacred language of the Imperium, used to name tanks and battleships and equipment to make them sound cool, like "Imperatus", "Ferrus Manus" and "Hereticus".

Try some names of the games designers and other famous people, just for fun! Once our brilliant scribes have pored over ancient and sacred texts, and run through archives and databases, using the most holy of the annointed cogitators and translated your name in this manner, you must keep it secret and safe, for this will be your password to gain information from all the best Imperial resources.


	Posted: 21 March 2004 Yes, the rumours are true! Fishmen are finally coming to the World of Warhammer! The rumours are that the new Fishmen will be added into Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000 and even other specialist games, like Blood Bowl! Our source (who doesn't want to be identified (Hi Dave!), but is a huge fan of Fishmen) may be soon getting us pics of miniatures, so stay tuned!

Posted: 21 March 2004

Click the graphic
to see a larger vertion.

It is true. Squats have been seen in small forces around the Imperium. It seems that their name is is now an acronym, rather than what sounds like a messy bowel condition: S.Q.U.A.T. (Short Quirky Untamed Arrogant Toughguy), not to be confused with S.W.A.T. (Special Weapons And Tactics). For the longest time it has been said that the little guys were all wiped out by the Tyranids and until I see one, I will have to believe this is the case. Watch for this movie coming to theaters soon. The excitement for Squats will return (God I hope not...) soon to reclaim there rightful spot with the Emperor's troops.

It turns out that GW may have finally bowed to the pressure of all those gamers (all four of them) that actually want Squats back in 40K. After a loud and annoying campaign of harassing GW about bringing back one of the silliest armies ever, they've finally got their wish. And in a big way! It seems that, to kick off the army release and attempt to gain support for the army among those too young to even remember the original Squat army, they've negotiated a contract with a major studio to release a movie!

Danny Devito

Rutherford managed to get onto the set and even got invited to a couple of production meetings, and brought us a few tidbits of information. Apparently, the new Squats are going to be highly skilled at infiltration and quick strikes, and operate similarily to Imperial Guard stormtroopers, but better. They'll be able to move and fire heavy weapons (which will be well illustrated on screen) and have some debilitating close combat moves (such as the helmet to the crotch, the knee-chop and shin-kick).

The cast for the film is said to include Warwick Davis, Billy Barty, Danny Devito and Jerry Garcia, although Jerry Garcia will get a major CGI treatment because of his height and the fact that he's dead. And though Billy Barty is also dead, he won't be computer generated, just propped up with a stick. We'll have more information for you as we receive it, so keep checking
this site!


	Posted: 21 March 2004 This is the launch of the new Light Dwarf design. You can find all the original LD articles in the History section. We really want everyone out there to start contributing to the humour on these pages. There are lots of talented and funny gamers out there and we want to build a realationship with all of you. Let's make this site the funniest GW site on the net.